Hurting

Finally, when the light was shown to my face, the realization of my foolishness was discovered..Too bad it was too late. I felt good, I felt like everything was alright. But he was the same. Different. Not acting normal. The same. Upon asking what was wrong, he responded with "Nothing." Hours later I text him, " Do you still want to break up with me?" He responds "...I'm sorry..but I've been waiting nearly 2 years for you to realize, and it's too late. I don't want us to end but I just can't stay anymore."

Insisting that he still loves me, that he wants to be with me, but I can't..I just can't believe that. He's quitting. Tossing me away like some broken toy. He lost his patience. I feel unwanted. I feel that my progress was wasted. I feel like the world is ending. I'm shivering. Tears fall rapidly down my cheeks like racing missiles. When was the last time we were happy? Is he happy with me? I want us to work.

I don't want us to break. I can't think. I don't feel like eating. I don't feel like sleeping. Just crying. Ultimate depression. The saddest I've been. Despite the countless cheating boyfriends, the pain does not compare..This pain is on a whole different level. I don't feel like going on..

He has enough of me. He doesn't need me. He sees a future without me. I'm better off not in his life. But thinking of it, shatters me. If this is what he wants, I should let it happen.. but I just don't know what will happen to me. Thoughts of ending everything is flooding my brain. But counters from peers saying that I shouldn't think that way prevent me from doing so..

I feel as if I'll forever have everlasting pain. Hurting.
Never to be happy again.
But he'll be happy.
He'll find someone
Someone better than me.
Someone that will make him happy.
Maybe..if I really loved him, I'd accept it, and accept the pain. Hurting. Forever.